Always on the hunt to discover new
cuisine, I was intrigued and excited to find out what Porto Gomez, a family run
traditional Portuguese restaurant, in Mount Sorrel had to offer. As it turns out, a rolla costa ride of an
experience…..
The best way I can describe Porto
Gomez is a restaurant of ‘extremes’. The
first ‘extreme’ is one of extreme confusion.
Trying to enter the restaurant is like a challenge out of the Krypton
Factor. On the front door there was a
sign saying ‘restaurant this way’ with an arrow pointing to the left. So, based on this instruction, and having
looked through the window to see no sign of a restaurant, we wandered round to
the side of the building. Discovering
there was only an alleyway and no door, we retraced our steps returned to the
front of the building. With no other
option we tried our luck through the door (with the sign) and into what
appeared to be a 1980s working men’s club. There were no tables or chairs, just
a scruffy, bare room with a ‘roofed’ bar running alongside it, and a few empty bar
stools. There was however a barman, so
with some trepidation, we made our way towards him to seek advice on the whereabouts
of the Porto Gomez’s restaurant. To my
shock and surprise, in doing so, the dining room, slowly came into view. Unfortunately, we had found the restaurant…it
was at the back of ‘the working men’s club’!
When I eventually took my seat, I
began to experience a few more extremes…..extreme cold and extreme pain! The room was so bright and red it actually
hurt my eyes. It was as if I had looked
directly into the sun! I am sure it took
at least 5 minutes for them to adjust enough for me to begin to read the menu.
When I recovered from my
temporary blindness, my surrounding eventually came into focus. I rather wished
they hadn’t. The restaurant was an eclectic
mix of all things old, cheap and tacky. On
the right hand wall hung a large oil painting in a dusty ornate gold frame,
depicting England’s unspoilt countryside. This was randomly paired with
photographs of modern cityscapes, images of (possibly) Mediterranean scenes and
some strange nautical ornaments (anchors and the like.) Oh, and interspersed between these carefully
selected decorations, was the odd white blob of Pollyfiller. The plastic flowers on the tables completed the
look which was something similar to a tourist's gift shop in Benidorm.
Despite the restaurant being
fairly busy, the somewhat dated interior, and the freezing temperature kind of killed the
atmosphere and there was zero chance of any ambience being created. In an attempt to distract
myself from the horrors of the room, I turned my attention to the menu. Unbelievably, it looked promising. In addition to Porto Gomes’ ‘famous Chicken
Piri Piri,’ there was an inviting selection of beef, pork, lamb, seafood and vegetarian
dishes available. I was seeking as
authentic a Portuguese eating experience as possible, so I selected the Risoes
De Carne/Atun De Carne for my starter (£2.99) and Arroz De Marisco (£22.99
based on 2 people sharing) for my main. Now,
these may sound like exciting, exotic dishes; but believe me, they are not. My starter translated as ‘Hand Made Meat with
salad and dressing’. I couldn’t help wonder
how someone could ‘hand make’ meat? Having tried the starter, I am still no
wiser. God knows what was inside the 2
little deep fried half moon pastries on my plate - a lot of salt and mashed up
unidentified…stuff! Maybe it was meat,
maybe not? They looked and tasted a bit like a Findus
Crispy Pancakes. 1970’s food to go with
the 1970’s decor! The Seafood rice dish was
equally disappointing. It was rather one dimensional, in short, a huge bowl of wet, fishy rice.
However, returning to the theme
of extremes, my fellow diners experienced something altogether different. The ‘Sardinha,’ (£4.99) consisted of 2 impressive,
plump sardines, grilled to perfection and finished with lots of garlic. They made an ideal starter. The Portuguese Chicken "Piri- Piri"
style, represented good value for money at £7.99 with 2 pieces of marinated
Char Grilled chicken, served with hand
cut chips or rice and side salad. The best dish of all though, was Carne De
Porca Alentejana (£10.99). Chunks of
seasoned Pork, with a generous portion of clams, all served with cubed roast potatoes
and ‘chefs special’ sauce. Despite it sitting in about half an inch of oil, the
dish looked and tasted fantastic! It was
brought to the table in a big rustic welcoming round terracotta dish, and it
successfully captured all the rich, deep, smooth flavours of the Mediterranean.
By the time we got round to sampling the deserts we were back to ‘extremely’
bad again. The 3 choices were: homemade chocolate cake, caramel pudding and fruit
of the forest cake (I think). The
chocolate cake was heavy and didn’t appear to be made with actual chocolate
(anyone for Scottbloc)? The caramel pudding was pretty bland, and the
Forest Cake was straight out of a box, quite possibly Sara Lee’s?
So, all in all Porto Gomez was a fairly surreal experience. To be fair to the restaurant, it did keep its
promise of the ‘most authentic Portuguese dining experience possible.’ However, they fail to point out that this
experience is based in the 1980’s or earlier!
Having been on a few family holidays around the Mediterranean, I have
dined in very similar restaurants to this. The problem is, this particular
family restaurant hasn’t travelled well!
In England, it looks dated, tacky and out of touch. Even being chatted up by the friendly and flirtatious
owner at the end of the night had something of the sitcom about it! So, it is with a heavy heart, that I am
unable to score the restaurant highly due to it being uncomfortable in every way
possible and inconsistencies with the quality of food. Therefore, Porto Gomez scores only 10.5/20.
Food 3/5
Service 3.5/5
Value for money 3/5
Total 10.5/20
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